Patience, Patience, Patience...

I am bipolar. I was first diagnosed with depression around age 6. I was able to manage it primarily
with counseling (cognitive behavioral therapy), but by the time I hit high school, it became necessary for me to also use medication to control my depression. In my twenties I began exhibiting symptoms of Bipolar II, and that is when my diagnosis changed to bipolar. I am now nearing my mid-thirties. I have been dealing with my mental health issues for almost three decades.

Over those years I have learned many things that I wish I had known right from the beginning. Here they are.
My apologies if some of the following have already been highlighted by others. That just means what we are saying must be really good advice :).

• Patience, patience, patience.

First, patience for the process. It takes time to find what works. If it's medication, that
takes time. Some times, lots of time to find just the right one. It takes time to find the right
counselor. And then it takes time for the actual counseling. It takes time to learn new
behaviors and new thought patterns. It takes time for lifestyle changes. The process just
takes time.

But it is worth it. So very worth it! Just have patience. This too shall pass.

Second, patience for yourself.

You are going to screw up. No worries. You are not perfect, and that is okay. The thing is to try your best, try again, and just keep on trying. Celebrate
your small successes. There have been times in my life when just rolling out of bed was a
great success. I celebrated those times, and found with that attitude, trying came easier.
Build on those small successes. If you mess up, just start over again. Here is a great talk by
President Uchtdorf that teaches us about patience with ourselves:

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2011/09/forget-me-not?lang=eng

Third, patience with others. People are willing to support you, but you have to be patient with them. What helps me is to remember that it is the thought that counts, not the “gift.”

Many well intentioned people try to offer me “good” advice more often than I prefer :).

Some of my favorites are “You just need more vitamins.” And, “Have you tried flaxseed
oil?” The flaxseed one is particularly humorous to me because I have indeed tried it, and my goodness did that trigger me into mania! Natural remedies do not work well for me.

What I try to do is have patience with someone offering me advice and just reply with a smile and a thank you. And maybe a brief explanation. Like with the flaxseed situation I say, “Thank you for thinking of me. I have also heard such great things about flaxseed oil.

Unfortunately, flaxseed oil has an imbalance of Omega 3 and 6 oils that tends to trigger mania in me.” I know that the advice comes from a place of love. Remembering that helps me be patient with others. It is also only fair for me to be patient with others if I expect them to be patient with me.

• Stop and look around.
We are promised that we will not be required to endure more than we are able to. Our
Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be successful during our time here on Earth. He also wants us to learn things which may require some struggling. What I do when I am struggling through a rough patch is to stop and look around. Our Heavenly Father has provided us with a Lord and Savior to help us be successful through our trials. If I take the time to look around, I can see what ways the Lord as provided for me to make it through a trial.

Sometimes it is small things like a phone call from a friend or a scripture I can't get out of my head. Other times it's bigger things like just helping me have the patience to endure a medication change that ended up lasting for months, or blessing me with faith when yet again my life gets turned upside down. These helps along the way are called tender mercies.

One tender mercy I cam so grateful for is a talk by Elder Bednar titled “The
Tender Mercies of the Lord.” There was one med change where I was so worn out and my
brain so befuddled that for weeks all I had the energy to do was roll out of bed and listen to
this talk on my computer. I listened to it over and over again. It changed the way I think about what to do during a trial. I learned how to stop and look around for the things that were there to help me succeed. Here is a link to the talk:

http://www.lds.org/generalconference/2005/04/the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord?lang=eng

Remember to stop and look around. The Lord is there to help you with his tender mercies-
He is there. I promise. Look.

• Fight stigma- with a smile :)
You will come across those who, usually unknowingly, perpetuate the negative stigma
attached to mental illness. If you haven't already, you will at some point be confronted with the stigma of your mental illness. I have found the most effective way for me to fight stigma is with a smile and to always be ready with information for those wanting to know more. Here are some statements I have encountered and how I typically deal with them.

“You don't seem mentally ill.” This one bugs me because it is based on the stereotype
that people with mental health issues are just a bunch of crazies running around acting dysfunctional and whatnot.

My response, with a smile, “Mental illness does not discriminate. Anyone, anywhere, any age can be affected. My bipolar is currently in remission due to my treatment plan which includes medication, lifestyle choices like a good diet, exercise, and my support network.

There are a lot of amazing people out there who also happen to have brains that process things a little differently. I am happy to tell you more if you would like.”

“Mentally ill people shouldn't have kids.” This is my response, with a smile, “I am
bipolar and a parent. Thanks to my dedication to my treatment plan, I am able to keep my mental disorder in remission. My bipolar disorder is not a character flaw- it is a health issue.

Just like diabetes is a health issue not a character flaw. My bipolar disorder is under control, and I am perfectly able to parent. In fact, I do a much better job than most because I am keenly aware that others are watching and judging to see how a “mentally ill” person parents.

Please be a little more compassionate when you judge who should and shouldn't be a parent. If you would like more information about mental health issues, I am happy to tell you more.”

“Children can't have depression (or insert some sort of mental health disorder here).”

My response, with a smile, “Mental illness does not discriminate. Age is not a factor when it comes to mental illness. I can distinctly remember when I was 7 on New Year's Eve sitting in a depressed stupor thinking how I had done nothing with my life and that I was a failure.

Thinking life was not worth living. That is not normal for a 7 year old.

I remember not being able to sleep at night for a good part of 5th grade because I was terrified of fires. I was overwhelmed by anxiety. That is not normal.

Mental illness in children is real, and does exist. The symptoms are not always the same- for me it was deep sadness that wouldn't go away, anxiety and anger. It is important for us as adults to be aware of all the symptoms, so that we can know how to spot children that need our help.

I made it through childhood because I had caring adults who knew the signs and symptoms and got me help. If you would like to know more about how to help children with mental health issues, I am happy to tell you more.”

“Happiness is a choice.” Ugh. Seriously? This one bugs me the most. What I want to
respond is, “That is so true! Just like diabetics have a choice about how insulin is processed in their bodies.” But, saying that won't help anything. So instead, I say, with a smile, “My body neither produces nor processes chemicals in the brain correctly.

Some times chemical imbalances make it impossible for me to “feel” things normally.

It is biological.

I can not choose to feel something I am not biologically able to feel. Just like someone who is missing a leg can't kick a ball with that missing leg. I can, however, choose to get help correcting imbalances. Once my biological imbalances are in check and my brain is functioning, then I can make choices regarding my feelings.

If you would like to know more, I am happy to tell you.”

The stigma associated with mental illness, however, is slowly diminishing. I have watched it over these many years, and am amazed at the progress that has been made.

In my experience, these days I can talk freely and openly with most people about being bipolar, and they are not only understanding,they are well informed.

However, you will still come across a few people who, no matter what you say,
they will never change their minds. Just walk away and don't waste your time with them. You have better things to do with your time.

• Diet, exercise, sleep

Diet, exercise, sleep. Three little things that are the foundation of good mental health. If you are not actively making sure you are eating right, exercising (every little bit counts) and getting the right amount of sleep (make sure it is not too much), your mental health will suffer.

There are countless studies out there detailing the benefits of diet, exercise and
sleep, so I won't say much here. I will just strongly agree that it is astounding the effect a good diet, a little exercise (the more the better) and a good night's rest have on a person's mental well-being.

Hopefully my thoughts have been helpful. For those of you just starting out, keep going. You can do it! It is worth the hard work and patience.

For those of you lucky to be stable right now, speak up and speak out. Speak up so others can learn from you and speak out against stigma. Thanks for reading :).

- Anonymous contributer